How Intense Emotions Trigger My Survival Instincts: A Personal Journey
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Chapter 1: Understanding My Emotional Responses
Navigating through overwhelming emotions can be a challenge. Right now, my nervous system feels completely overwhelmed. I’ve tried to articulate it differently, but "fucked" truly captures my current state. Intense feelings elicit a mix of reactions within me—fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. And honestly, I find it distressing.
Observing my instinctual survival responses is strange. Naturally, I want to distance myself from these feelings. I’ve become adept at compartmentalizing my emotions, often treating them as intellectual puzzles rather than allowing myself to genuinely feel them.
However, I must admit, I'm not quite ready to confront emotions of this magnitude. I'm aware that fully embracing these feelings will be difficult; once I allow myself to experience the depth of these emotions, reverting to a calm, detached state will be nearly impossible. Yet, I also recognize that evading these powerful feelings does not eliminate them. They only intensify, waiting for a vulnerable moment to breach my defenses. Ultimately, they must be felt, and postponing this confrontation will only exacerbate the situation.
My parents are relocating, and as an adult, one might think this wouldn’t impact me deeply. Yet, I still feel like their child, and emotions like abandonment and anger arise. I’ve spent a lifetime moving, and this situation feels like a painful reminder of past trauma. I struggle to comprehend why they can’t find contentment in their current circumstances, and it frustrates me that they continuously seek happiness elsewhere.
Additionally, I’m grieving the impending loss of a significant part of my support system as a single parent. This change will complicate my parenting journey, and I’ve noticed a gradual distancing from my parents even before their move, causing me pain that I’ve been hesitant to acknowledge. The grief I experience is multifaceted; discussing it while they anticipate the move feels selfish and redundant, ultimately changing nothing.
So yes, my nervous system is in turmoil, and I experience all the associated reactions.
Section 1.1: The Fight Response
There’s a strong urge to fight against this reality. I find myself wanting to argue or express my frustrations through physical activity, whether that’s attacking the weeds in my garden or running until I’m drenched in sweat instead of tears. I crave some form of release, yet I know these actions won’t provide the help I seek.
Section 1.2: The Flight Response
I also feel an impulse to escape the situation entirely. I want to discuss my feelings analytically—detached and unemotional. I’d prefer to hide from my emotions, hoping they will dissipate, fully aware this approach is futile.
Subsection 1.2.1: The Freeze Response
Section 1.3: The Fawn Response
In recognizing that my intense emotions often stem from the desire to support others, I find myself shifting into a fawning mode. I push my feelings aside to prioritize theirs, knowing full well that my emotions do not vanish. This reaction, deeply rooted in my childhood, is challenging to change.
Chapter 2: Facing My Emotions Head-On
This video discusses the fight, flight, freeze, and fawn responses in the context of stress, offering insights into how to recognize and manage these reactions effectively.
In this video, the difference between trauma responses and stress responses is explored, shedding light on our instinctual reactions to emotional turmoil.
I’m experiencing all these reactions but attempting to suppress my true feelings, which only intensifies them. As a mental health clinician, I understand that the only way to move forward is to confront these emotions. Yet, executing this understanding remains a struggle. Despite knowing I should embrace these feelings, overcoming my inherent resistance is a challenge.
I must cease the fight, the freeze, the flight, and the fawn. It’s time to confront the emotions I’ve been delaying for a "later" that never arrives.
I need to choose to sit with feelings I’d rather avoid, as ignoring them is not a viable solution. I require an outlet for my tears while also expressing that even though my parents are excited about their move, it brings forth my own complex emotions. I can support them without denying my own human experience. Facing these feelings is essential, and I must not merely transfer them to another person.
Moreover, I need to restore balance to my nervous system. Implementing the self-soothing techniques I know—techniques I often teach others—is crucial. I must guide myself through these emotions, acknowledging that avoidance is not an option. It’s time to transition from thinking about my feelings to truly experiencing them.