Getting Honest with Yourself

Is your current strategy working?

It certainly wasn’t for me. Coming to terms with my drinking problem was challenging (admitting it was the first step!). I kept telling myself, “I can handle this! I can drink moderately!” But those restrictions never held up. Special occasions, date nights—every day felt like a reason to celebrate, right?

The idea of just having one drink was a failure waiting to happen. Once the bottle was open, I felt compelled to finish it, as if it could spoil overnight. My rebellious spirit kicked in, resisting any form of control.

Feeling deprived only fueled my desire to drink more. I found myself consumed with anger and confusion, wondering why I couldn’t just stick to my plan. This frustration often left me retreating to binge-watch shows with my kids, escaping reality instead of living it.

I realized I had a life to embrace—dreams to pursue and moments to cherish. Why was I wasting my time in self-destructive habits?

The feeling of being trapped was overwhelming. It was like being caught in a carnivorous plant—lured in but unable to escape. I knew I needed a change.

My initial response wasn’t to seek professional help but rather to dive into a 100-day fitness challenge with friends. We even created a Facebook page for it! I succeeded in the workouts, but my drinking habits remained unchanged. I merely worked out while nursing a hangover.

I then tried a 21-day mindset challenge online, listening to motivational talks about achieving goals. Yet again, alcohol remained part of my daily routine, and my writing didn’t flourish as I hoped.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, I declared, "I need help!" That’s when I met Ilze, who was looking for clients to assist with reducing or quitting alcohol consumption.

The Transformation Begins

We met weekly on Zoom for eight weeks. Ilze’s insights made me more aware of my behavior. Through journaling and pre-planning, I began to understand that failure didn’t signify the end. Instead, it became an opportunity to reflect and explore my motivations.

Did I quit drinking? Not immediately. But my moments of sobriety began to extend—three days turned into five, then ten, and eventually a month. These stretches felt like reaching the peak of a mountain, where a sense of clarity and joy enveloped me.

But then, I’d often revert back to drinking, thinking, “What’s the harm in one more?” The cycle continued, leaving me feeling depleted and frustrated.

Sleeping in another room to avoid disturbing my husband became the norm, and my work life suffered as well. I felt irritable and unable to manage even simple tasks. My kids noticed my mood swings, and even my friends drifted away.

I knew I needed help, but I didn’t identify as an alcoholic. I didn’t wake up drinking or rely on it to get through the day. So what could I do?

Exploring Options

I began searching for outpatient rehab programs, considering options like yoga retreats. However, financial constraints and logistics made those ideas impractical. Then, I stumbled upon a Facebook ad for a 21-day reset challenge by Jenn Kautsch, and her message resonated deeply.

She articulated the struggle of feeling caught in a cycle of detoxing only to retox, which struck a chord. I felt guilty as a mother for not setting a better example. Alcohol was not alleviating my stress; rather, it was adding to my anxiety.

After evaluating my spending habits on alcohol, I realized I could afford the challenge, even if the $97 price tag seemed steep initially. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I made.

The Power of Community

Through the challenge, I learned valuable tools to manage my reactions to cravings and to understand the consequences of drinking. Most importantly, I connected with others who shared similar experiences.

Using the Marco Polo app, we formed a supportive group of women who encouraged each other through our journeys. For the first time in a long while, I felt understood and connected.

Did I completely quit drinking? Yes and no. While I abstained for 21 days, when I resumed, I approached it with a mindful perspective, asking myself, “What does this drink do for me?” The realization hit—nothing beneficial. The joy I once felt from drinking had vanished, replaced by fatigue and dissatisfaction.

Since then, I’ve proudly maintained sobriety for 174 days, focusing on living intentionally without the pull of alcohol. I’ve immersed myself in learning about sober living, discovering a new clarity and excitement in life.

Investing in myself through courses, books, and motivational events has become a priority. I refuse to return to my old ways, recalling the struggles I faced while trapped in that cycle.

Conclusion: The Value of Financial Commitment

Paying for help was essential in breaking free from my past habits. It not only held me accountable but also connected me with others who were equally committed.

I understand that finances can be a barrier, but seeking a more engaged life with less alcohol is a worthy pursuit. Each attempt to quit has prepared me for this moment of sobriety, and now I feel like I’m reclaiming my life.

If you're looking for support, consider checking out these resources. And if you're interested in something free, don't forget to explore my Sober Lushish Jams Playlist on Spotify.

DISCLAIMER: Some links may be affiliate links. I am an educator, not a medical professional. If you're struggling with alcoholism or related issues, please seek appropriate help.

Patty McMahon, M.Ed, is an educator, mother, wife, and dog lover sharing insights about sobriety and wellness in the modern world. Join her newsletter for more wellness tips, and follow her on TikTok to connect further.