Chapter 1: A Sudden Shift

While wandering through the Gare du Nord after a delightful day in Paris, I suddenly felt my legs give way beneath me. It was an overwhelming sensation—a mix of pain and confusion that I couldn’t quite define. One moment, I was walking normally, and the next, I was collapsing.

The episodes came in shorter waves, leaving my legs unable to support me. Shock and fear set in. Thankfully, I had a friend with me—a tour guide I had met during a previous trip to the Cotswolds. She was aware of my herniated and bulging discs, having learned about them after I booked this trip, so she was prepared for the possibility that I might need to take it slow. However, this leg collapse was completely unexpected.

I leaned on her for support as we rushed through security so I could hydrate and rest before our train ride back to London. I hoped this was just a fluke due to lack of sleep and hydration, but the issue persisted throughout the remainder of my trip and continued when I returned to Houston.

A few days later in Florence, I found myself in a charming shop at the end of a long day of exploring. The kind shopkeeper offered to share the story behind some beautiful jewelry I was admiring. Normally, this would have thrilled me, but my legs were in excruciating pain. I couldn't stand any longer, and even the stool she provided brought little relief. Frustration overwhelmed me, and I began to cry—not so much from the pain, but from my inability to enjoy this experience. I felt lost and frightened.

Could this be my new reality?

The shopkeeper was incredibly compassionate, a kindness I will always remember. My friend was also exceedingly patient. Meanwhile, my home renovations were in full swing back in Houston. I was excited about the updates to my circa-2000 townhouse, yet I returned to a chaotic environment where all three floors were being painted, including most of the kitchen.

I was in dire need of rest, but my home was unrecognizable and filled with decisions that needed to be made. Sure, these were first-world problems, and I felt grateful for the opportunity to update my space. Yet, there was no escape upon my return.

In the past week, I've come to realize I have burning mouth syndrome. After losing my sense of taste and smell for over three years post-COVID, I now understand that something more serious is going on. It's uncertain whether my taste will ever return, and while my sense of smell is slightly improved, my taste is so diminished that I've lost my appetite. In just a couple of weeks, I've dropped 5 pounds. Most women gain weight during perimenopause; I seem to be doing the opposite!

Yet, one thing I haven’t lost is my sense of humor. I intend to find the silver lining in this latest setback. Perhaps the burning mouth syndrome diet could lead to further weight loss—10 to 15 pounds, and I'd be perfectly fine!

The following day, I woke to discover my back was more painful than it had been in recent days, and I couldn't help but chuckle. Sure, there are moments of tears. Do I really have to accept that I might have lost two of my five senses at 52? At least I still have the other three.

Life feels muted. I feel muted.

All of this has unfolded within just three months. I had expected to face such challenges at 72, not 52—especially since I exercise for two hours a day, abstain from alcohol, take numerous supplements, and avoid fried foods and seed oils. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might become necessary.

For now, I want to focus on healing and getting proper rest. I will make the call about HRT (and a steroid injection for my back) eventually, but not just yet.

I share this to explain my recent absence to my wonderful followers. It’s been nearly impossible to reach my computer until a few days ago, thanks to the painting! My desk was completely covered with tarps, and even sitting at it is a luxury as my back continues to heal.

On a brighter note, I might be going on a second date with a wonderful guy. He’s an Ironman athlete, while I’m an increasingly sagging middle-aged woman a decade older than him. I chuckle as I type that... and might even blush.

I don’t feel well, but what frightens me more is that I don’t feel like myself. Nevertheless, I’m trying, truly.

So, I’ll go out with this sweet younger man. I’ll savor the unexpected hint of jasmine that wafts past me during my walks. I’ll visit the fauvist art exhibit at the MFAH and try not to panic when I reach the bottom of my stairs, uncertain if my legs will cooperate.

In addition to my herniated and bulging discs, I have piriformis syndrome and a supportive team helping me. Everyone remains optimistic about my recovery, despite the other perimenopausal challenges that have arisen in recent months. Only time will tell.

For my long-time followers, I have some exciting news to share. Previously, I wrote about the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston, which inspired me greatly. My townhouse is gradually being transformed into a similar sanctuary (albeit on a different budget—ha!). Future phases will aim to enhance the back porch, small yard, and the third floor where my bedroom is located. However, phase one is already shaping up to be even more beautiful than I had imagined, thanks to my collaborator, a local designer who has been incredibly accommodating of my unique vision!

We still have work ahead of us, including some furniture tweaks and upholstery adjustments. But here’s a sneak peek of the progress so far! The heart of the second floor—the dining room. New stair carpet is on the way! A glimpse of the new animal print stair carpet for the keen observers. The family room overlooks a tranquil cemetery, giving it a park-like feel. My art panels are finally back together! There was minimal demolition in the kitchen, but more transformation is planned! Oh, and did you know shag carpet was still a trend in 2000? Neither did I! Farewell to those 90s honey cabinets and their matching backsplash. (The budget didn’t stretch to new countertops or appliances, but that’s alright.)

This video discusses the feelings of losing one’s sense of self and how to navigate through those challenging times.

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