Chapter 1: A Writer’s Dilemma

Despite what some may think, I’m very much alive and kicking. My mental well-being is stable, and I continue to write as Hogan Torah on Medium. However, I must admit, I don’t feel like a true writer at the moment. My output has significantly dropped—240 stories in 2022 compared to just 36 so far this year. What’s happening?

In January, I encountered a severe cyber attack via a malicious remote access tool named FinSpy. This malware has infiltrated all my devices—phones and PCs alike—regardless of their operating systems. It’s designed to infect any device with a microcontroller.

A friend of mine at Mandiant verified my concerns. He jokingly remarked that I must have upset someone badly to be targeted by such a rare virus. The actual count of individuals infected by FinSpy remains low, but I suspect it’s more widespread than reported. The virus's purpose seems to be to isolate its victims, making them seem paranoid to others.

Who is behind this? Likely individuals I clashed with during my time on Quora while discussing ‘strong Christian values.’ There’s more to the story, but it borders on the absurd.

Although I’m still dealing with the infection, I’ve found ways to use my devices normally. After penning 700 stories on Medium, I find myself at a creative standstill. I’ve exhausted many of my best anecdotes and interests, including my love for unique films and diverse music genres, as well as my family life and experiences in Los Angeles.

Building an audience on Medium over the past three years means I must keep producing content to maintain their interest. Storytelling fuels my passion, but I face challenges. Being over 40 and struggling with verbal communication makes me prefer writing over speaking. My aim is to evoke emotions in you, the reader, whether it’s laughter or tears.

But this narrative? It’s just mediocre. Quick reads like this tend to fade from memory. So, what’s next after sharing all my tales?

For many writers in my position, the answer often lies in offering writing advice to inspire those eager to start their journeys. But can I really offer such guidance? My life experiences are uniquely mine. To write like me, one would have to endure a dead parent who was a child actor, navigate through substance abuse, and somehow achieve an engineering title without formal education—only to lose everything to addiction.

Now you’re ready to write like me!

I could compile another list of films. If financial gain were my goal, I would focus solely on that. In terms of revenue, movie lists perform the best. Yet, I derive no joy from merely discussing others' creations. I yearn to craft something original rather than recount existing works.

What did Tucker Max do when he ran out of personal stories? He compiled them into a book and earned a fortune. Perhaps I should consider writing a book too… but that’s not feasible. Tucker was in a fortunate position at the right time. No one is offering me a lucrative advance; I’d even settle for a modest one.

Chapter 2: Reflecting on the Past

Reflecting on my journey through Los Angeles, I realize I must confront my past to embrace my future.