Chapter 1: The Concept of Attachment

Are you aware of the different types of attachment? The idea of attachment was initially introduced by John Bowlby, an English psychiatrist and psychoanalyst. He posited that the connections children form with their caregivers have lasting effects that influence their adult relationships.

Attachment styles play a significant role in how individuals interact in romantic partnerships. The essence of attachment theory suggests that individuals often seek what they lack emotionally. Once their emotional needs are met, they tend to focus on the external world.

Adults, like children, display varied responses to attachment in their relationships. Those with a secure attachment style are generally at ease with their loved ones, demonstrating warmth and care. In contrast, anxious individuals crave closeness, often overthinking their relationships and worrying about mutual feelings. On the other hand, avoidant individuals associate intimacy with a loss of autonomy and tend to maintain a safe distance.

Most people, regardless of age, can be categorized into one of these attachment styles, or they may exhibit a blend of two styles, such as anxious and avoidant.

To illustrate these concepts, I’ll share examples from psychologist Dolores Mosquera, which depict how different attachment styles manifest in everyday situations:

Imagine a young girl who falls and scrapes her knee. She rushes to her mother, crying. The mother, filled with love, gently cleans the wound while comforting her daughter. Feeling supported and loved, the girl soon returns to her play. This scenario represents a secure attachment style. The girl learns that her emotions matter, fostering respect for others' feelings. As an adult, she retains an internal supportive figure she can rely on.

Now, consider another girl who also falls and runs to her mother. This mother, preoccupied with her own concerns, tends to the wound but offers no emotional support. This situation exemplifies an avoidant attachment style. The girl learns to suppress her feelings and becomes disconnected from understanding others' emotions, focusing solely on her own.

Next is a third girl who, after falling, approaches her mother in tears. The mother reacts with anger, taking her inside to treat the wound. This interaction cultivates an anxious attachment style. The girl comes to view emotions as threatening and feels guilty for her reactions, leading to a desperate search for reassurance, which often leaves her feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

Lastly, picture a fourth girl who, frightened after her fall, runs to her mother only to be met with harsh criticism: “You’re always falling! You’re so clumsy!” This response exacerbates the girl's distress, leading to further emotional shutdown. This scenario results in a disorganized attachment style. The girl learns to suppress her emotions and feels that seeking help may result in more harm than good.

As parents, we play a pivotal role in shaping our children’s emotional frameworks. While this is not an absolute path to failure, individuals with poorly developed attachment styles may find it challenging to establish healthy interpersonal relationships.

This first video, titled "Which Attachment Style Do You Have?", delves into the nuances of identifying your own attachment style and understanding its implications.

Chapter 2: Exploring Attachment Styles

The second video, "What are Attachment Styles? | Secure and Insecure Attachment", provides an overview of the various attachment styles, exploring both secure and insecure attachments in greater detail.