When a Wink Carries a Message

That day marked a turning point in my career. As a novice lawyer, freshly certified after passing the State Bar Exam, I was sitting in my first trial. I should have been prepared.

My supervising partner, a seasoned trial attorney, had assured me he would join me before the trial began. When I left the office with my materials, he winked at me.

That wink lingered in my mind as I maneuvered through the busy streets, hinting at something I needed to understand: he was casting me into the deep end. It was now up to me to either sink or swim.

Fear: A Familiar Adversary

Fear was not a stranger to me. I first encountered it on my first day of law school, surrounded by anxious students awaiting the professor's arrival. I took a seat in the middle of the auditorium, and beside me sat an older gentleman, distinguished and warm, who made me feel welcome.

After we chatted, he walked to the podium and announced, “Let’s begin.” He must have noticed my look of dread because he paused for a brief moment and winked at me.

I chuckled nervously, feeling like an innocent about to be scrutinized.

“Ms. Eriksen,” he said. “Could you explain the case of...?”

My heartbeat thundered in my ears as my breath quickened, and I felt the urge to flee. Terror enveloped me. But then, I inhaled deeply. That instinctive breath calmed me enough to stammer, “Which case was that again?”

It was my decision to either sink or swim. I chose to swim and realized that fear could also serve as a companion that propels us forward.

What I Learned in the Face of Fear

Back in the courtroom for my inaugural trial, my head was down, hands clenched, heart racing, and shoulders tensed. Was I ready to take the next step? My mind screamed “NO!” while my body echoed that sentiment. But then, I remembered how I had previously navigated fear during law school. That memory saved me.

I understood that I could transform fear from a curse into a companion, just as I had done before. I focused on my breathing, which allowed me to relax enough to nod at the Judge. My mind reset, and I proceeded with my first case, stumbling at times due to my inexperience. When the jury returned a verdict for the defense, I felt as if I had achieved something monumental.

Now, I often remind myself with the phrase, “No one is coming,” to awaken to the endless possibilities and opportunities that lie ahead. This mantra redirects my power back to where it belongs—within me.

The Lessons I Learned:

• No one can dictate how I live my life; the responsibility lies solely with me.
• I am far more capable than I often believe.
• Solutions to my challenges are always accessible within myself.

Reflect on a time when you turned fear into a companion instead of allowing it to paralyze you. Recall the rush of energy you experienced when you took ownership of your path forward. Remember how you navigated through fear and unearthed more about yourself and the world.

Whenever you sense your body entering fight or flight mode, remember that transformative moment. Feel the empowerment return as you take deep breaths to soothe yourself. Acknowledge that you have transformed fear before, and you can do so again.

Only you possess the power to redefine fear from a curse into a companion.