Chapter 1: A Mixed Bag of Emotions

Life can be unpredictable, and some days are simply tougher than others. Yesterday was bustling and fulfilling, marked by creativity and laughter. We engaged in a delightful activity of painting ceramic bowls and were graced by a cheerful visitor who brought beautiful roses. Physical therapy went smoothly, despite my mother’s skepticism; the therapist assured me that she is indeed making progress. We also found a more comfortable wheelchair for her, making transfers easier and reducing her chances of sliding out.

However, today feels different. My mother struggled with breakfast and is now dealing with discomfort and fatigue. She had a restless night and appears to be feeling down, which might require a bit of support. As she naps, I find myself wishing for her to awaken in a more positive mood.

In just two days, I have to embark on a trip I planned months ago for my own medical care. Up until now, I was excited about it, but that excitement has shifted to dread. I haven’t packed, my laundry is piling up, and there’s a storm brewing, raising concerns about potential flight delays. The timing of this trip couldn’t be worse.

I feel anxious because no one can be with her all day, like I am. I know it’s unreasonable to worry; my siblings do a fantastic job caring for her, and they will be around frequently. Am I just being overly controlling? Perhaps…

I’ll be away for a week, but we’ll all be together for Easter. I remind myself that I must prioritize my health to care for her effectively. It’s a harsh truth, but it doesn’t lessen the emotional weight of leaving her behind. My siblings love her deeply and are more than capable of looking after her, yet the guilt lingers.

Some days are just like this, but I hold on to the hope that tomorrow will bring a fresh start.

After her nap, my mother seemed revitalized. We enjoyed a delicious lunch of tamales, rice, and beans, and she ate heartily. I witnessed her physical therapy session from a distance, cheering her on as she stood and brushed her hair in front of a mirror. Though she harbors fears of falling, especially on the therapist, who is quite robust, she is gradually gaining courage.

Now, it’s time for the weekly ice cream social—a beloved event that many attend because, as they say, ice cream fixes everything. Dinner followed soon after, featuring spaghetti, garlic breadsticks, and mixed vegetables. I decided to skip it since I had already eaten well at lunch. My mother enjoyed the meal but couldn’t finish it, which is unusual for her.

She asked about my travel plans, and when I shared the details, her eyes welled up. "What will I do without you?" she said, filling me with guilt. Yet, she reassured me that with my four siblings and the diligent staff, she would be in good hands. But that reassurance didn’t alleviate my feelings.

Ultimately, I know I have to go. I can’t support her if I don’t look after my own well-being. Today had its ups and downs, a reminder that such days are part of the journey. Tomorrow offers a new canvas.

There are many talented writers at Read or Die; I encourage you to explore their work. You won’t regret it.

Chapter 2: The Importance of Self-Care

Tomorrow is another opportunity for growth and connection.