Embracing English: My Journey from Shame to Superpower
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Chapter 1: A Journey Begins
I took my first steps into public writing on Medium in January 2023, driven by feelings of shame. Despite spending nearly five years in Australia, my grasp of English felt clumsy. My speech sometimes resembled that of a tipsy Russian, and my strong accent was evident in the first half of every sentence. Even though I held a position as a full-time Marketing Executive and composed marketing materials daily in English, I still labeled myself as “not fluent enough.”
I have been dedicated to writing since 2001, and my proficiency in my native language made the struggle to articulate my thoughts in English feel like losing my voice. During a particularly challenging period in my life, mourning my father who passed away 13,000 kilometers away, I found myself confined to Australia due to COVID-19. Writing had always been a refuge, so I decided to share my work online once more. I wanted to test the waters of a Medium audience, exploring whether I could express myself in English as freely as I had in Serbian for years. Interestingly, I had a background as a parenting influencer and blogger in Serbia, where words were my playground.
As I pushed myself to publish articles consecutively, the process felt painstaking. I was convinced that readers would mock my writing, leaving comments like: “Look how poor her English is,” or “Check out those glaring mistakes and jumbled sentences.”
Did that happen on Medium? Not at all. Instead, I discovered a supportive community that appreciated my efforts, even with all my typos and language gaps. Some readers admired my determination to learn English at the age of 36, while others overlooked my occasional errors because they found my stories engaging.
Section 1.1: The Weight of Belonging
The immigrant experience often carries a burden of shame and a sense of not belonging. Picture this: you’re a majestic tree uprooted from its native soil, forced to adapt to a foreign landscape.
Your roots are severed, leaving you feeling fragmented. Yet, you must smile and strive to fit into this new environment while dealing with your emotional wounds. This sentiment resonated with me as a newcomer, and even after six years in Australia, I sometimes still feel this way.
I realized that many Australians lack proficiency in other languages. Their eyes widen in surprise upon discovering that I am a native Serbian speaker who also learned Russian and French during my education. In fact, my English skills will always surpass their Serbian.
Section 1.2: My Broken English as a Superpower
My imperfect English is a testament to my multilingualism. It's essential to recognize that speaking broken English signifies that a person knows more than one language. It’s time to embrace this accomplishment rather than feel ashamed of mistakes or limitations.
The situation becomes even more intricate when switching between languages. At home, my family communicates in Serbian, while we use English in social settings. My mind operates at full capacity as I juggle both languages.
Do you realize how challenging it is to think in one language while speaking in another? I converse in English but think in Serbian. My youngest daughter, who was just seven when we moved to Australia, tends to favor English, showcasing her remarkable fluency.
As Matt Goldrick, a linguistics professor at Northwestern University, explains, “Every time you go to speak this new language, the other language is like, ‘hey, I’m here, ready to go.’ The challenge lies in suppressing this automatic response to favor the harder task of learning a new language.”
This dynamic also sheds light on why many of us sometimes struggle with our native languages. Having spent 12 years as a journalist, I took pride in my command of Serbian, but after fully immersing myself in English for six years, I often feel uncertain about my native grammar and syntax.
Rather than settling for mediocrity in both languages, I choose to practice them diligently, immersing myself fully and pushing my cognitive boundaries. I proudly wear my mistakes as badges of honor and welcome gentle corrections, viewing them as opportunities for growth and mentorship in this remarkable journey.
p.s. I have even taken the leap to teach others about content writing. My newsletter focuses on enhancing storytelling, improving content, and fostering business growth through marketing. Join me as we learn together.